And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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