dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
