Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
