i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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