thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
