Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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