I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
