Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
