and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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