This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
