Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
