This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
