i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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