Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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