Do you still have your period?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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