You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
