Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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