y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
