Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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