You just made me feel so damn special
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
