Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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