I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
