The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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