Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
