yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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