i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
