Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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