I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
