i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
