if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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