Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
