I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
