K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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