I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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