my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
