Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
