Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
