your parents love me but you hate me
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Randomize
