i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
