i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
