Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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