When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
