I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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