It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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