Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is that strawberry winking at me??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
