I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
