We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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