I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
