i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
