I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
