why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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